Harry and Ron are Chumps
by furrygenitals
Summary: Two chumps...and then some


Chapter 1

"Potter, get to class! Stop snogging this instant!"

Harry let go of Lavender, and turned to find Professor McGonagall towering over him and his make-out partner. Harry, reluctantly, obliged, but not before giving the smitten seventh year a butt-squeeze.

"See you Harry" she squealed in ecstasy and hurried past Professor McGonagall.

"S-sorry Professor. We kinda lost track of the time if you know what I mean…" Harry stammered. Professor McGonagall looked unforgiving.

"That's the fourth time this week with five different girls! I know it's none of my business, but please stick to snogging your own girlfriend! Now get to class before I give you detention."

Harry nodded his head, and rushed away to Potions. When he opened the door, he went over to his usual spot only to find that it was taken by two girls. The girls were smitten with Ron, and couldn't help staring at the crotch of his pants.

"Oh hiya Harry!" Ron waved to him.

Harry greeted Ron in return, and pointed to the seat as if to ask what the girls were doing in his seat. Ron mouthed to Harry that they were sisters, and asked him to please not make them leave. Harry frowned and looked around for an available seat. To his delight, Hermione Granger (the sexiest seventh year alive in his opinion) was sitting alone, her boyfriend chatting animatedly with his friends. Seizing his opportunity he strode over to her and casually sat down beside her.

"Nice jugs ya got there" he growled.

She whirled around and looked at him in disgust.

"Get a life pervert. I'm with Dean, if you haven't noticed!"

With that, she walked over to Dean and pulled him away from his friends.

"Potter's on me. Help" she whispered to him.

His expression changed drastically at this news. He walked over to Harry and knocked him off of his seat onto the stone floor. Several girls gasped, and he was soon engulfed in a pool of turned-on teenagers.

"Dammit Thomas!" Harry yelled as Parvati helped him up, and waited expectantly with her lips jutted out. Dean wrapped an arm around Hermione and sneered,

"Stay away from my girlfriend, Potter, or you'll have hell to pay!"

He turned on his heel and strode away with Hermione. Harry glared furiously after them, but turned to the crowd of girls and started to flirt.

After class, Harry and Ron were walking and talking through the corridors heading to transfiguration. The subject was on Hermione, and Ron kept asking for details about their encounter.

"…So then, I walked over to her and simply…complimented her on her jugs. You've got to agree that they're gorgeous. The best I've seen next to Padma! Boy was that a great week…" Harry reminisced as they entered Professor McGongall's classroom.

"Nice of you to join us boys, but again you are late. Ten points from Gryffindor. Now if you'll find your seats, I have an important announcement to make."

Harry looked around for the seat next to the hottest girl. Hermione was, of course, next to Dean, so he sat next to Padma and began to rub her back. Ron chose the seat next to Hannah Abott, and rested his legs on her lap casually.

"As you all know, Christmas is not far away. This year, in celebration of the defeat of You-Know-Who…" McGonagall paused as the girls giggled and Padma kissed Harry on the cheek.

"…Hogwarts will host the Hitachi Ball, where all boys are required to bring a girl." McGonagall continued.

Bringing a girl was no difficult task at all for either Harry or Ron, but the question was who to bring. Harry glanced hopefully at Hermione to find that she and Dean were in a sweet and loving lip-lock. Harry knew that they were going to go together…but he wished that the man to take her would be him. One look at Ron told him that he was wishing the same thing.

"Now I know you are excited by this news, but I still have Transfiguration to teach, so if you could please take out your textbooks and turn to page 85…" McGonagall trailed off. The rest of class went by very fast, and when Professor McGonagall dismissed them, there was a buzz of excitement going around Hogwarts. Evidently, everybody now knew about the ball, and every girl that Harry and Ron passed looked at them hopefully.

"So Ron, what do you want to do tonight? I have a feeling that I can get a brainy girl to do my homework for me" Harry said as they sauntered to lunch.

"Sorry mate, I've got a snogging session with Pansy Parkinson. She finally realized that I'm sexier than Draco, and has been on me ever since. I just hope that she doesn't think that we're gonna have sex, because I tried it with another Slytherin girl and believe me, they're a little too rough" he finished while tucking into some chicken dumplings.

"Damn, I wanted Parkinson" Harry cursed, but laughed with Ron all the while.

After lunch, they went straight to Defense Against the Dark Arts, which was the same exciting class they attended almost every day. After though, Harry decided to get started choosing who to take to the Hitachi ball. He had all the choices of girls he wanted, besides Hermione, but he thought that he would snog her after the ball. While walking to the common room (Ron was snogging Pansy), Harry decided he would find the girl worthy of him to take to the ball by having snogging sessions with them during lunch. Right now, he needed something to brighten up his mood. He hadn't snogged since Lavender, and that was a full 3 hours ago! He had to find someone and fast, he didn't care who.

"The next girl that walks through that portrait hole will be my snogging target" he promised himself greedily. With a jolt, Harry realized that the portrait hole was opening, and Luna Lovegood stepped through. Harry immediately walked over to Luna, grabbed her, and pulled her onto the couch.

"Oh my Dungbeetles!" she cried as Harry threw himself on top of her. He silenced her with a kiss that caused her spectacles to fall from her face and land softly upon the floor.

"Harry? I can't see you. Where are your lips?" she whispered nervously.

"On you're sexy face" he replied maliciously and kissed her even deeper.

"I'm…new…at…this" she gasped between kisses. Harry smiled in spite of himself as he explored her well developed curves and massaged them.

"Um…that feels…exceptional" she managed to mutter.

"Shut up and let me take off your blouse" Harry growled. He felt Luna draw in a breath of surprise and shift uncomfortably under him.

"If…if that's how it's done…" Luna whispered suspiciously as the first button came undone of her white blouse with images of blast-ended screwts on it. Several girls watched in awe and jealousy as the shirt began to come off.

"He didn't take off my shirt!" Lavender whined as Harry moaned in pleasure. He spent the rest of the afternoon snogging with Luna, though Luna wouldn't allow him to "remove her undergarments". Harry kept at it until the last rays of light were vanquished and replaced with a soft evening sky. His stomach growled and he realized that he needed food. He tried to continue snogging to break his previous record of 5 and a half hours, but hunger overcame him. At long last, he removed himself from Luna, who looked absolutely exhausted from trying to keep up with Harry.

"Until next time" he muttered as Luna propped herself up on an elbow.

"Thank you for the delightful experience Mr. Potter. Does it come with a receipt?" she asked, clueless. Harry ignored her and threw on his shirt once more. As he left, he heard a faint, exhausted voice call after him,

"So that's what Surfing is!"


End file.
